Diplomatic Language: The Use of Polite Modal Verbs
What are polite modal verbs and why should you use them? Before diving into this post, a list of the most common English modals may be found here .
Now consider the following scenario:
Your employee gives you a report they have written. You read their report and are unhappy with it. You could say to your employee “Check the report again!” Now they think you are rude and demanding. They may revise the report but won’t feel good about it. Instead, you could say the following: “You may want to check the report again...you might not have given yourself enough time.” After you hand the report back to them they thank you for the recommendation and go back to their desk to improve it. Though what you are communicating to your employee is the same in both scenarios, the second communication clearly results in a better outcome. Why? What are the magical words that soften the blow of a criticism or demand? By using the words “may” and “might” in the second case you sound much more diplomatic. The language, or lack thereof, in the first case is too direct and makes you sound impolite. To be more specific, modal verbs that express conditionality can make English sound more polite and diplomatic. Other modal verbs include the following: can, should, would, must, shall, and will. Modal verbs are placed before the main verb in a sentence. While they do not change the meaning of a sentence, they do change the tone.
Let’s use the same scenario to explore some different modal verbs. Maybe your employee submitted (handed in) a report that is way too short. You could say the following: “This report may be a bit too short. Could you write a longer report, please?” Now consider the more direct approach: “This report is too short. Do it again!” If you’re the employee, which request sounds better? In the first case, the use of modal verbs makes the request sound much more polite.
A rule of thumb (general rule) is to use more words if you want to be diplomatic. It makes you sound more careful in what you want to say. In a difficult situation, sounding careful is diplomatic. Your counterpart will take it as being more considerate about their feelings and doing your best to find a solution without throwing blame around.
With more words, the above sentences can sound even more diplomatic. Let’s look at the examples below and compare:
Somewhat diplomatic: “This report needs some work (improvement).”
Even more diplomatic: “It looks like the report may have been written too quickly. Maybe you should double check it and spend a little more time on it.”
Somewhat diplomatic: “You may want to check the report… you might not have included all the necessary info.”
Even more diplomatic: “I double checked the report, and it looks like you may not have included all the necessary info yet. It may be a good idea to double check this, just in case you overlooked (missed) something for some reason.”
Somewhat diplomatic: “This report may be too short. Could you look into it?”
Even more diplomatic: “From what I can tell, the report here doesn’t quite line up with (comply with) our guidelines for report writing… I recall that usually more info needs to be included. Is there any possibility you could revisit this?”
Using modal verbs to be diplomatic can help you navigate (deal with) difficult conversations and prevent hurt feelings. The goal is not only to communicate in English, but to communicate well. As always, if you have any questions you might want to send me an email so I may make some friendly suggestions!