The U.S. Culture Series: American Conversation Style and Small Talk
Disclaimer: This blog post uses generalizations to help people better understand U.S. culture. There are, of course, exceptions to the rule. Not everyone's the same in every culture. Generalizations here are used to describe likely tendencies.
American Conversation Style
The U.S. is a low context culture characterized by an assertive and direct communication style. Clarity is key! Your conversation counterpart expects that you mean what you say. Precision and getting straight to the point are valued. Beating around the bush is not appreciated and might confuse people. However, that doesn’t mean that Americans are always direct. In the U.S., indirect speech manifests itself through exaggerated positivity and optimism. Some examples of this are the use of words like “amazing,” “great,” and “fantastic” instead of more subdued vocabulary such as “good“.
Furthermore, Americans tend to present what they talk about in a much more upbeat and forward-looking manner than speakers from Europe, for instance. They insert their criticisms between compliments and within positive language rather than directly criticizing someone. This can be read as indirect speech by speakers from cultures that are less positive overall.
In general, U.S. speaking styles tend to reflect more of a problem-solving focus embedded within a can-do attitude. Actions speak louder than words. That motto is especially important in Business English where ideas get bounced around with a focus on implementation. Americans like to put their ideas into action to test them out and to adapt when issues occur. Americans are quick to adapt and value flexibility to find solutions. So even though there is a strong tendency to phrase what is being said more positively and optimistically, Americans still prefer directness. They want you to get to the point and don’t like it when someone wastes their time with long-winded descriptions and explanations. They appreciate it when people speak fast.
Interruptions are common and are often necessary to get airtime. Silence is not necessarily golden in America and often perceived negatively. Americans have a tendency to try to fill silence with words and often follow-up questions to keep a conversation going. They find it awkward when there is silence and long pauses in conversations make them uncomfortable.
The Role of Small Talk
Small talk serves as social glue. It is a tool to interact with others–to build bridges between individuals that might remain unfinished or turn into relationships. Strangers can become colleagues and friends. The options are endless. The importance of small talk cannot be overemphasized. It enables us to overcome initial inhibitions. In these short interactions, American positivity and optimism is reflected as well. Here, small talk tends to be uplifting whereas in Europe, for example, lots of small talk is limited to complaints. People bond over complaining about the weather, their day, and the many little things in life that might cause annoyance. In the U.S. small talk tends to be more positive, usually filled with little anecdotes, jokes, or mere pleasantries like “the weather is nice today” or “I really like the sandwiches here, have you tried their coffee? It’s even better“.
American small talk tends to be pleasant and revealing. Americans open up quickly. They don’t find it weird to talk about their weekend with a stranger. They love questions and find it awkward when their counterpart doesn’t ask them questions in return. For example, it’s awkward for them when they ask someone how their weekend was and the other person doesn’t ask them back. One-word answers like simply “no” or “yes” make them uncomfortable and can create tension. They might not know what to do with short answers and may immediately try to fill the silence with a counter question or a joke.
Usually, Americans frame what they talk about positively. They don’t emphasize negativity and will call a boring weekend “nice” even if it was simply boring. They will focus on the positive elements of their story such as that they had time to relax instead of saying they were bored out of their minds. Americans can also be a very enthusiastic bunch. They like to express excitement and joy openly more so than sadness or lack of enthusiasm.
Unlike the U.S., most cultures in the world are high context to varying degrees. The pace of conversations is slower and words are chosen carefully with long pauses. People only speak when invited and if one speaks too soon or too much, one is perceived as aggressive and disrespectful. So how can people coming from high context cultures be heard in the U.S.? How can they avoid lowering their likelihood of success in a culture that values the opposite of what their cultures value?
The key is obtaining a high level of not only linguistic but also cultural fluency. The latter consists of two key components: the skill to change one’s behavior and the ability to judge other people’s behavior through a different cultural filter. I compare this to putting on a new set of glasses to be able to see clearly what you couldn’t see before. One uses a different set of norms to judge the behavior of others and acts according to a different cultural yardstick. With this awareness of difference comes adaptability and increased understanding and empathy. Your counterpart loses their strangeness. You suddenly understand them better and can read the room. You are able to avoid misunderstandings and are more relatable. You are positively a success!
